It’s Been Awhile

Yikes! It’s been… over 5 months since my last update. I have an excuse. I just launched a new website for the Paleontology Club at the South Dakota School of Mines (where I attend.) You should check it out.

Interweb Savvy

People see my blog and they say, “wow, you must be a computer genius! I couldn’t possibly be as smart as you.” While this is true, you can have an internets of your very own! Just try Gabe & Max’s How to Get the Dreamlife of Your Dreams Using the Internet and I guarantee that you will rule the cyberweb. *

* not a guarantee

Nonplussed

The following story was related to me by a paramedic friend of mine. While ambulance crews are waiting to be dispatched to a call they usually park in a central location such as a shopping mall or public park. A medic and EMT were waiting near such a park in their ambulance on a nice day with their windows down. There was some sort of event going on; and they paid it no mind until one of the participants — a very haggard gentleman holding a shoebox accosted them.

“Is this a crab?” he slurred, opening the shoebox.

At this point when I was told the story I thought that he meant a crab — the kind you find at the beach. No, he meant the other kind.

The medic — leaning across his partner regarded the specimen through the passenger window.

“Yep” replied the medic. “That’s a crab. Yer gonna need 3 things:”

“ 1. a razor

2. a lighter

3. an icepick.”

“take the razor” instructed the medic “and shave off half your pubes. Then light the other half on fire with the lighter, and stab the crabs with the icepick as they run to the other side.”

The man gave them a puzzled look, unsure of how to respond.

The medic rolled the window up and drove away to extricate himself and his partner, whose ability to contain laughter was quickly waning. As he drove away he said to the EMT “There are some real weirdos out there”

Shiver Me Timbers!

Yesterday we celebrated another fine “Talk Like a Pirate Day.” With a stiff wind at our backs we sailed the high seas in search of plunder – if only for a day. But some land lubbers I ran into did not know how to properly speak pirate. To them I offer this easy to follow instructional video from the salty sea dogs at loadingreadyrun.com:

Grab Bag ‘O Booty

So Pirates of The Caribbean: At World’s End comes out this week. I wasn’t a big fan of the second movie. It was 3 hours where people jumped around, buckled their swashes and nothing really happened. That being said, I’m actually looking forward to it (and I don’t mean that in a satirical John Hodgeman President Whisperer way.) Why, you may ask? Why would I get excited about another summer blockbuster from Disney. The key to my excitement Blogonauts is in the first word of the title PIRATES.

Pirates are awesome, there is no disputing that. Anyone who disagrees can swab the poop deck! Pirates sail the high seas calling no one master (only Cap’n) , taking what they want from life, plundering hapless merchant vessels, searching for buried treasure, how fun is that? Plus they get swords, and get to say really cool things like “Shiver me timbers!” “Avast!” “Arrr” and of course “Bring me my Brown Pants.”

Did you know that the pirate Jean Laffite was instrumental in the nacent United States’ victory over the British in the Battle of New Orleans? Or that the children’s nursery rhyme Sing a Song of Sixpence origniated as recruitment tool for the notorious Blackbeard the Pirate?

So, Dr. Zaius and I will be Pirate-ing it up this weekend. We’ll be drinking vast quantities of rum (in mai tais and banana daiquiris,) bucking swash and having a grand adventure. It should tide us over until Talk Like a Pirate Day on September 19th. Yaarrr!

My pirate name is:

Iron Jack Bonney

A pirate’s life isn’t easy; it takes a tough person. That’s okay with you, though, since you a tough person. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate’s life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
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Opening Ceremonies

Well here I am at last, on the Internet. My thoughts recorded digitally for all posterity. One thousand years from now some graduate student will be pouring over blogs like this one trying to figure out why people were so messed up way back in the twenty-first century. Lets try not to disappoint.

Who am I kidding though. I’m sure the only things reading our blogs in the thirty-first century will be humanity’s children. Yes I am talking about our hyper intelligent cybernetic ape overlords. So Dr. Zaius, enjoy.

For the rest of you, I’ll be posting about my trip to Death Valley and vicinity soon.