Dr. Zaius is my friend, traveling companion and comic foil wrapped up into a package of hilarious post-apocalyptic simian malevolence. He enjoys long walks on the beach, exploratory brain surgery and the subjugation of mankind. He hopes one day to develop the ability to control lesser beings with his mind. He is an ape an orangutan to be precise, so don’t ever call him a monkey or he’ll blast you with one of his many death-rays. Or if he doesn’t have one handy he’ll throw his own feces at you.
You can send him an e-mail at evilbananalord@gmail.com but beware, his reply may be entirely in wingdings. Cuz you know, he’s evil.
Dear Dr. Zaius,
I having a problem with my helper human and I was wondering if you could help. You see my helper human will not clean the bathroom. Do you have any training tips?
Thank you,
Clawed Garamond